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Stock Tip Of The Week - Marie Callender's

Ann Coulter Prepares For Next Run-In With Girlie Men Pie Throwers Marie Callender's stock is expected to soar after yesterday's announcement of a new spokesperson.

In an effort to boost pie sales during the relatively slow summer months, Marie Callender's has hired Michael Moore as a spokesman. It is hoped that Moore will increase pie sales by encouraging radical Young Republicans to toss pies, preferably Marie Callender's pies, at him whenever he speaks on college campuses. Judging by his girth, Moore should be able to handle quite a few pies at each appearance. You can read a little more about Mikey's appetite for pie here.

Marie Callender's considered hiring a few other spokespersons, including recent pie throwing targets William Kristol, David Horowitz, and Ann Coulter, but they were rejected because of their slight builds, and in Ann's case, her ability to dodge pies even while wearing high-heels.

Finally, there is no truth to the rumor that Pat Buchanan, recently attacked with salad dressing while speaking at Western Michigan University, is in talks with Paul Newman's company, Newman's Own, to be their spokesperson.

Posted by Rick | May 13, 2005 02:36 AM

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